The Dance
by GeneImperfect
Summary: Touya takes Yukito to the Christmas dance. Yuki has something he wants to tell his friend. His confession ends in a kiss, and a confused Touya. Now what will happen between the two?
1. Ticket

A/N: Hiya hiya hiya! I've been gobbling down Yuki/Touya fics like they're chocolate-chip cookies, so I thought I'd better contribute to the lovely concept myself. ^_^ This is based a *small amount* on my real life, so I don't know for sure how it's gonna end, or whether or not I'm gonna end it the way my own situation ends. The dance Yukito's talking about is the Christmas Dance at their high school. I did it from Yukito's perspective, even though in reality I'm more like Touya... Still, I think I did a pretty good job so far. And if you want me to finish it, you had better review, my darlings. *Mwahahahahaha* --Cardcaptor Sakura and all related characters, names, and distinctive likenesses thereof are the exclusive property of CLAMP.-- That should cover it. So, On with the show! Chapter One: The Ticket   
  
  
  
I want to keep it forever, this dance ticket Touya gave me. If I could, I think I would laminate it, or maybe frame it. But no, then I couldn't touch it. I couldn't feel its soft grain, or trace over the places that I know HIS fingers touched. I wish I could have it for all of eternity to touch and admire; I never want to give it up, even though I have to get in to the dance. I know it's just a slip of paper, but it's a slip of paper that means I get to spend the whole night with Touya and so it means everything to me. But I'm kind of nervous, because I think it's going to be the night that I tell him my true feelings.   
  
  
  
I've known I loved him in a different way than I loved all my other friends for a long time. It was a year or two ago that I realized we must be soulmates, and less than a year since I realized that I was in love with him. At first, I had decided not to tell him. After all, I thought, it wasn't fair to him to make him carry it with him that his best friend was in love with him. I was never really worried about ruining our friendship; I was sure he'd never leave me over something like that. When I first told him I was gay (well, at the time I had thought I was bi, but I've since realized that girls just don't do it for me at all...), he was immediately cool with it. And yet, I don't think he was quite as okay with it as he let on...   
  
  
  
I think he used to be afraid of being thought of as gay. He would always get upset when people mentioned how Sakura and Tomoyo seem to be holding hands ALOT, or that his cousin Koushiro was effeminate; but he got upset in a way that seemed like he himself was offended, almost like he was trying to put up a facade, to hide something. And when we were together on vacation, and I mentioned that my grandparents might be suspicious of the two of us (they had told my counselor that they thought I was "not completely heterosexual...") and I could feel those vibes he lets off when he doesn't want me to think he's worried, but I can tell he is anyway. He also said once during that vacation that he was "glad that I didn't have a crush on him" or something like that. I don't remember much else about it, since I didn't have a crush on him back then.   
  
  
  
I'm not even really sure I do now. But sometimes when I look at him closely he seems so lonely; like he's all by himself with no one to love him, and it makes me think, ~You know, *I* want to be there for him. I want to be able to make him happy. I want my Touya to be happy...~ All I really know is that I love him more than I've ever loved anyone or anything else, and if I could spend the rest of my life with him I would be the happiest man on earth. Like I said before, I am sure he's my soulmate. He has changed my life in the most incredible way. With him here, there is nothing I can't do, and without him I can do nothing. If I had never met him, I would not be even half of the man I am now. I would probably not even be alive. He has molded me into a person I am proud to be. If only I had the courage to tell him all of this...   
  
  
  
But I'm going to tell him. I've made up my mind. Especially since a conversation I had with one of the Buddhist monks I ran into at the temple. We were talking about nothing in particular, just the weather and the like, and I had started to walk away, but he took me by the shoulder and I turned back around. Then he looked at me and said, "You know, you should tell people your feelings, because you have nothing to lose." And I had a strange feeling that something very important had just happened. It seemed like Kami-sama had wanted to tell e something that day, like he was reassuring me that everything was going to be all right. That-- that I should finally tell him the truth.   
  
  
  
I'm still staring at my ticket. Strange, how such a small scrap of paper can arouse such feelings in me, such memories. But then again, it's not so strange, because after all, it's a scrap of paper that means I get to spend a night with Touya..... 


	2. Preparations

A/N: Hello again to all my friends. I'm glad you came to play. And we haven't even gotten into the fun part of the game yet... which, by the way, does NOT include lemon of any kind. After all, this is fanfiction.net. And I just don't write that stuff. Anyway, I guess I should provide you with a few notes... At this point, I've come to the conclusion that this is an AU fic somewhere where the American high school meets Japan. I have every respect for the Japanese culture, as well as any other culture you could name, but I just can't write what I originally intended to write, for the purpose I originally intended to write it, unless we all just plow through this one schoolday, however difficult it maybe, for the sake of our beloved protagonist, Yukito. As for the *tiny* bit of Japanese I threw in: "Sensei", for those of you who don't already know, means "teacher". And "shimatta!" is an interjection expressing unpleasant surprise. Depending on the tone of voice, its meaning can be anywhere from "oh no!" to "dammit!" I can't imagine our Yuki-chan using it so harshly, in fact I'm not sure he'd say it at all, but bear in mind that he's really stressed this morning. And it's early for both of us. Like 4:30 am early, for me at least. Oh, the things I do for love and lack of sleep... That said, I hope you all enjoy this segment of "The Dance", and if you do, review! Happy Hanukkah! Chapter 2: The Preparation   
  
  
  
I slam my locker shut and am already halfway down the hall before I notice I've forgotten to get my books. Geez, and this is only second period. I wonder how long I can possibly last... I didn't see Touya before school started, since I had slept in and was running so late Grandma had told Touya to go on ahead without me. At this rate, I probably can't see him until lunch, although today is the first day within memory that I'm not sure whether that's a good or bad thing.   
  
  
  
CLANG!!! Oh, crap. I'm so far away in Forever-With-Touya land that I've forgotten where my physical body is. That was the bell! I'm running as fast as I can, but there's no way sensei will let me get away with this... Shimatta! Just what I need, a detention on the last day of school before Winter Break. And the day of The Dance, no less. However, as I enter the room, panting hard, I'm told that as my Christmas gift, sensei won't mark me tardy today. This is certainly not the first sigh of relief I've breathed today.   
  
  
  
A few grueling classes later, it's finally lunchtime. Too cold to eat outside, so I stay inside. I grab my food and had over to Touya's classroom, hoping I can finally see him. My wish is granted, and I spend the rest of the lunch insisting that, since he paid for the tickets, let me take care of dinner. He finally concedes, and I tell him to be at my place no later that 6:30 tonight, but I don't want to see him from until he arrives. Nodding, I bid him farewell. "'Bye, To-ya!" Why does his name always come out like that? I'm blushing as I run out the door. Wonder if he noticed...   
  
  
  
I'm finally home, and I've decided to lie down and let myself think awhile before getting ready for him. Touya... See, I can think his name just fine, but the moment it touches my lips, it becomes "To-ya". The moment Touya touches my lips... How I long for such a moment. I'm sure it would be pure bliss, even if it's the only kiss I ever get from my beloved. If it is, I'll only treasure it that much more. You know, tongues are involved in forming words, too. Touya touching my tongue... God, I can't even imagine. It would be my first French kiss, and... Let's not go there, however much I want to. If I start to think of him like that, I feel like I'm using him, you know? And I'd never use Touya.   
  
  
  
That's the thing I'm worried about the most, that if I tell Touya how I feel, it'll hurt him. Touya would be hurt because of my selfishness; I just can't bear that thought. And yet, would he want me hurt because of my "unselfishness"? Because I'm only thinking of how he would feel, would he dislike me pushing myself so hard? I feel like my secret is already harming our relationship, and yet I'm not sure if hiding it or finally telling it would make it worse. Or am I just afraid that telling would take away what I want, and I don't care about doing what's best for Touya? Of course, I know it's not completely that, but I do have some selfish reasons for my confession...   
  
  
  
I want to tell partly because I can't stand it anymore. I feel like I'm going crazy, like nothing will ever be alright for us unless I tell him. It's an obsessive-compulsive feeling, that I have to do this or some evil will descend upon the both of us. And one of the things I'm most afraid of: if I tell him, will he stop saying "I love you."? Now I know that's selfish, and yet it's one of my only arguments against my ultimate Selfish Thing. But now that I think about it, do I really, in my heart of hearts, want him to continue saying "I love you" but not mean it the way I want him to mean it? Honestly, do I? No. Thinking of it like that, it's easy. The guy has no clue what the things he says do to me, and he would want to know that it hurts me. And I realize now that, while it does feel really good at first (as Sakura says, "floaty"), after a while it hurts me more than the initial high could ever heal. Now I know what I have to do, all that's left is the doing...   
  
  
  
5:15!?%$#@! Yup, I looked at the clock again to verify the time. I mean, I know I'm a deep thinker, but 5:15??? I can't believe I still haven't started getting ready! Realizing that with less than an hour and a half to dress, decorate, and set the table, I was just not going to have time to cook. I look up the number of a catering place that delivers food from whatever restaurant you choose to your home, and decide upon Italian. "Yes, I'd like five sampler platters from La Bella Italiana... Mmm hmm. Tsukishiro. ...Yes, what vintage would you suggest? Alright, we'll try it. Yes. Thank you." They knew my address very well. My typical order from Bella Italiana consisted of several fettucine alfredos (my *very* favorite pasta) and some breadsticks with marinara, and I'd certainly never ordered wine before. But Touya likes lasagna, and the sampler consists of a half- serving each of both of our favorite dishes, as well as one of the best spaghetti-and-meatballs you could ever hope to taste in a lifetime. Two and a half servings each should satisfy us.   
  
  
  
Right. Now it's time to get dressed. Shutting the door to my room, a shuck my outer garments. Retrieving my wardrobe from the closet, I smile. Touya is sure to like this. I pull on the pants, crisp and white. Over my undershirt I button a light blue dress shirt. The collar is still quite stiff, but it looks so sharp I could care less. I lace around my neck a tie of deep lavender, then button down the flaps of the collar to secure it. A white dress jacket that perfectly matches the pants completes the ensemble. Glancing in the mirror even for a second delights me; I look stunning. Happily, I spin around in front of the mirror, admiring myself from every angle. Touya is sure to like this...   
  
  
  
Suddenly, I hear the doorbell. Touya can't be here yet; it must be the food. I grab my money and rush downstairs excitedly. Outside, the snow continues to blanket the world in white in preparation for the coming holiday. I wonder if Touya is looking out and thinking the same thing... 


	3. Dinner

A/N: Hi again! In my own personal tradition of sickeningly productive use of time, I spent the entire duration of an incredibly boring New Year's Eve party writing this, so I hope it pleases you. Not that I had anything better to do. ^_^ I'm really starting to get an idea of what I want to write now, and I expect it'll last at least into February. I'm sure we're all up for it! Anyway, I wanna give a special thanks to my new beta, Fiona! My random suggestion of the day is to read the novel "A Separate Peace" by John Knowles, then write tons of Gene/Phineas slash so that fanfiction.net will make a separate category for the book. Not that anyone whatsoever will. But I suppose Touya/Yukito should be enough. I'm never satisfied. Well, I hope you enjoy this chapter of "The Dance". Please review, and please come back for more!!! ~Rachael~  
  
Chapter Three: The Dinner  
  
Rather tired, I collapse into my chair to admire my handiwork. My fettucine alfredo is on my side of the table, Touya's lasagna is on the other, and the spaghetti and meatballs rests in between, accompanied by the bottle of wine (Cabernet Sobignon, 1986) and a single candle on either side of the dish. I figure that a candlelight dinner will clue him in, or at least make it less of a shock when I finally tell him how I feel. But my brief respite doesn't last long...  
  
Yet again, the doorbell rings. This time it must be Touya. I take a deep breath, then get up and walk toward the door. As it swings open, my eyes sweep his form from head to toe; taking in the wonderful thing that is Touya. His hair has been gelled and combed into a look that's much less messy than usual, which makes me frown a bit. Not that I don't like it, it's just that I know even I won't be able to play with his hair tonight, which is one of the fun things about my Touya. That's another reason I wouldn't like his hair like this every day; it just doesn't seem, doesn't feel like the Touya I know and love so much. But it's just for one night, and it looks nice so I suppose I should just enjoy it.  
  
The rest of his outfit looks equally good; though again, such a formal look is hardly Kinomoto Touya. His suit is jet black, though the candlelight makes it shine with a hint of deep brown umber. The shirt beneath is also black, with contrast provided by a red silk tie. I never knew he could dress himself so well, and wonder in the back of my head if Sakura had helped him pick it out. And to top it all off, he carried a magnificent black cane, topped with a gold handle. Wow..... But I should definitely stop my ogling. He could get a little freaked out when he thought someone was checking him out. "Welcome, Touya, come in, come in..." He tried, but of course I was blocking the way. I wouldn't call myself clumsy exactly, but my body often seems to be where others need to go. Especially when I'm nervous, like now...  
  
Touya looks around, and his eyes finally rest upon the table. "Italian... How did you ever find out I like lasagna?" I smile. Sakura had once told me. "Oh, I know things..." He looks at me strangely, until finally I have to break the silence. "Let's eat!" He can't disagree with that.  
  
He sits down, and his hand reaches toward the middle of the table. He must want some spaghetti. Huh, I wonder if it'll happen like that scene in "Lady and the Tramp" when the dogs are eating spaghetti, and they both bite onto the same piece. They both slurp it up, and their mouths meet in the middle of the spaghetti for a kiss. How cute that would be... I just said the word "cute." Oh well. It doesn't matter anyway, he was reaching for the wine. "Oh, did you want to pour it?"  
  
"Uhhhh..." He looks kind of nervous, maybe even a bit uncomfortable. I must have said something weird. "Uh, sure. Do you have a corkscrew or something?" I start to get up, but he pulls a Swiss Army knife out of his coat pocket. "Never mind..." I close my eyes, hoping Touya doesn't notice. He carefully twists until the cork comes free with minimal spray. *I wish for Touya to accept what I have to say tonight.* Wishing when a cork is popped is something I picked up from my grandmother. When I open my eyes, Touya has just finished pouring my glass and starts on his own. He poured my glass first. But that's just polite, of course, unless it isn't just polite... Hmmm. He looks up at me and lifts his glass. Oh no, I have nothing to toast. I'll just say the first thing that pops into my head. "To To-ya, the best friend a person could have!" His face shows signs of confused amusement; oh my gosh, did I just say what I think I just said??? "..... To Yukito," he said awkwardly, "who is also a great friend." Then he seemed to open up. "I'm glad I found him, and I wouldn't choose another best friend if I could. Yes, definitely to Yuki... my best friend too. Cheers!" Our glasses clinked, and I took a drink somewhere between a deep sip and a light gulp. I can't believe he said that; I feel so happy! My insides still feel all light, that feeling that's tight and loose at the same time. I'm probably blushing badly, but fortunately the candlelight hides it. God bless those candles...  
  
We eat, and our conversation turns to silly little things I can no longer remember, just school and the like. If any of it had been important, I would surely remember it. After what Touya said during the toast, I was floating away somewhere among the clouds, replaying "definitely Yuki, my best friend" over and over... "I'm so glad I found him, and I wouldn't choose anyone else." It becomes more and more fantastic with each repetition, until Touya is practically proclaiming his love for me. "Yuki," he says, "Yuki, I think--"  
  
"I know," I cut him off, my voice reduced to almost a romantic drawl. "Me too..."  
  
"Then we'd better get going. I don't want to be late."  
  
Mmmmmmm, that *voice*. I could listen to it forever. "Late for what, To- yaaa...?"  
  
"Ummm... For the DANCE? The one I got you a ticket for last week? The reason we're both wearing... suits?" That shook me awake.  
  
"Oh, yeah!" I jump out of my seat. He looks at me again. He's been looking at me a lot tonight, especially with that expression. Blushing even more, I hurry to open the door, hold it for Touya to leave, and follow him out, locking it behind me.  
  
As he drives us to the dance on his motorcycle, I can only think, with embarrassment, about what had happened. He must have been wondering what was going on... well, he'll find out soon enough. Sweat trickles down my cheek from the heat of my face inside the helmet. I can't believe I was so lost in my fantasy world! I wonder why I have to suffer so much for loving. Then again, it's only suffering if I let it become so, which I resolve firmly and immediately not to let happen. I snuggle closer to Touya on the bike, my arms hugging more tightly around his thick outer jacket. Even speeding through the cold on a winter night, as long as I'm with Touya I know I'll never get cold. At the very least, my heart will always stay warm.  
  
Our ride ends all too soon. He parks the bike and helps me off, lifting me under my arms and placing me on the ground. We both take our helmets off, and he removes his gloves and places them inside the headgear. Then he notices I wasn't wearing any gloves. "God, Yuki, you should know enough to wear gloves by now!" He takes my wrist and holds it to his cheek, which I can feel the warmth radiating from even before I touch it. With the back of my hand I can feel a small amount of stubble, though I can tell he had probably shaved this morning. How I wish I could touch this cheek of my own free will. "Your hands are so cold!" he reprimanded. I hadn't noticed, and I tell him so. "That's bull... Here, let me warm you up." He takes both my hands in his and rubs them swiftly but gently together; I can feel his soft strength. Then he does something that surprises me. He brings my hands up to his mouth and starts to blow on them. His lips brush gently against my right hand, and in my mind's eye I can see myself, strangely enough, as a princess being kissed gracefully on the hand by her prince. I'm not sure if it's the "kiss" or the gender change, but I'm blushing yet again. Eventually he drops my hands and we walk into the dance. 


	4. Dance

The Dance  
  
Chapter Four: The Dance  
  
There are a circle of chairs surrounding the dance floor for those of us who are not dancing, which, at the moment, includes me. Touya however is currently being unceremoniously strangled by... okay, he's slow-dancing with that girl who keeps hitting on him, whatever her name is. Either he's completely oblivious or he's pretending to be. You never can tell with Touya... My hands trace the warm part of the chair where his body had graced it a few songs ago. Touya's warmth is a beautiful thing. It's subtle, very subtle, but once you train yourself to notice it it's definitely there, always lurking under the surface of his cool facade. I often wonder if I'm the only one who can see that.  
  
Finally the song ended and Touya returned to his seat. That is, he started to, before stopping and staring down at his chair. Wondering what could possibly be wrong with it since I'd spent the last three songs making sure nothing happened to it, I followed his eyes to the seat of the chair. Oh. My hand was still there. "Heh, sorry." He still won't sit down; oh, that's 'cause I haven't' moved my hand yet. Wake up Yukito, this is your Real Life speaking. If you insist on remaining in Lovesick Fantasy Land, you must at least make some semblance of being physically present on Planet Earth. I finally figure out how to make my muscles listen to my brain and move my hand away. Touya looks at me strangely before taking his seat again. "That stupid brat. She bugged me for so long to dance with her, then she just talked to her friends over my shoulder! I should've known... Hey, Yuki! Are you listening to me? You seem kind of spaced out lately... Are you okay?" I shake my head. "Oh, I'm fine, don;t be silly. Just a little tired, I didn't sleep well this afternoon." He laughed. "You, Yukito, are the only person I know who talks about afternoon naps the same way they talk about sleeping at night." I laugh too. "Yeah, I sure love to sleep!" And I sure love you, but you can't seem to see that...  
  
"Yuki?" My head snaps up. "Huh?"  
  
"Um... Is there anything you want for Christmas? I mean, I haven't gotten you anything yet because I've been really busy, but if there's' something you really want, I'd like to be able to give it to you."  
  
"A kiss." I'm so out of it, I don't even bother to think before I respond, "A kiss would be nice." Crap. I need to learn to censor my thoughts out of my speech... I'm sure I'm blushing like crazy right now.  
  
Touya looks confused. Crap crap crap. Oh well, I guess there's nothing left to do except try to explain myself. Here goes... "Just... a lover. I want someone to care about me, who I can care about, too, and I..." This is *not* coming out right. "...You, that is..." He's gonna hate me, I just know it. "...Please forget everything I just said." I sighed as my head fell toward the floor. From the look on Touya's face, I had some explaining to do, and there would be no way out for me until I'd done it. Gently, he coaxed, "No, you can tell me." "But..." "Tell me. Now." Yep, that's my Touya. Stubborn exactly when you don't want him to be. But, I have to admit, when you need him to be. ""But, well... Fine. At least not here. Let's... go outside for a bit." I stood up, grabbed him by his jacket sleeve and headed out the door into the cold.  
  
He's panting, his breath making thick clouds in the frosty air. "We'd better be able to get back in..." His glare turns quickly to a teasing smile when he sees my guilty face. "Just kidding. But seriously, why'd you have to drag me out here? I..." I place my finger on his warm lips and feel his heated exhale. "Hush. Well, you asked me what I wanted most for Christmas, and... I'm not sure how to say this..." I'm blushing even harder. "I want... you to kiss me." he stares in shock. "That is, just one kiss, and it would be the greatest present you could ever give me..." He looks me straight in the eye. "Yuki..."  
  
"F-forgive me," I stutter incoherently, "I know you obviously don't want to, don't feel pressured like you have to do it, I was just... Sorry. It was a stupid request and there's no reason you should honor it." I look sheepishly at the snow as I kick it about nervously with my feet. Why do I always have to go too far? He places his now-chilled hand under my chin and lifts it to face him. My eyes are still looking down, until, "Look at me, Yuki." I have nothing to do but respond. I look up, not knowing what to expect.  
  
"Is that true? is that the one thing you really wan for Christmas? That's what you want. Just one kiss." I nodded, or tried to, but his hand was still under my chin. Guess I have to talk. "...Yes. That's what I most want." He lowers my hand. "Okay." His eyebrows are raised, curiously, making it evident exactly how awkward he feels. "Um, I'm not sure how to kiss a guy, exactly. I mean I never really though about it, but..." He places his arms around my waist and brings our faces together. His lips touch mine, and my heart explodes.  
  
I leaned into him, willing the moment to never end. I'm moaning softly against his rough, manly lips, pressing us together harder, a steaming kiss in the frozen night. they say that when warm air and cold air meet, it causes a tornado. I'm not sure exactly what we made out in the snow that night, but it felt like, at least to me, some kind of incredible tropical storm. I know my emotions were a hurricane, calm and peaceful in the eye but whirling violently all around it in a confused haze of passion and spent hope. For the few seconds it lasted, I thought I felt both our souls meld together. Then we parted, and the world was still again. But somehow, I'm more confused than when everything was spinning.  
  
"Well," he said awkwardly, "Merry Christmas." We stood there silently for a bit, shuffling our feet, before he suggested that we'd better get back to the dance. I agreed, and followed him in. I returned to my seat and sat there the rest of the night, only coming out of my trance to refuse a few girls' requests to dance. I was both happy and hurting. He kissed me. He kissed me. I should be happy... And yet, h he looked so uncomfortable and out of place, I wonder. I made him feel like he had to, I coerced him into doing it, and now he feels weird and I feel weird. This wasn't the sensation I'd been craving. When I'd fantasized about that kiss, everything had been perfect, and all I'd felt had been love, love, and more love. I never dreamed I'd be so confused ad even in pain, anguishing over the kiss I'd wanted for so long. Was there something I didn;t do? What could've gone wrong? I never thought I'd find myself wondering if I'd be happier if it never happened. This sin;t how it was supposed to work. It's not at all what I had imagined!  
  
Touya never came back to his chair beside me until after the dance was over, when he shook me and grunted something about having to go home. Good thing, too. If he hadn't, who knows how long I would've sat there... Anyway, as for that night, there isn't much left to tell. We climbed on his motorcycle and he drove me home, waving goodbye before leaving me alone yet again. I trudged inside the house, up the stairs, and into my room where I threw myself onto my bed and fell with difficulty into a violent but dreamless sleep, never bothering even to change my clothes or turn off the lights. 


	5. Invitation

A/N: Gosh, I'm very very very sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up. ;; I've just been so busy, with SAT's and AP testing and finals and theatre... I humbly apologize. it'll never happen again. : (resolved face) In fact, i solemnly promise to get the next chapter posted within three weeks. X.X Well, enough of my whining. What are we waiting for? Here you go!

The Dance Chapter 5

by chibi-hikaru

Touya came into school Monday morning like nothing had happened. That's what hurt the worst of all. Even worse than the rejection, was his utter lack of recognition of how significant that kiss had been for me. I guess that at first he was just feeling embarrassed or awkward, because he's acting perfectly normal now. But now it's worse. If I know Touya, he's pretending to take it in stride while pondering it all beneath the surface. That is my Touya. And I wouldn't change him for anything.

Well, maybe just one thing. If I could, I might make it so that he would love me. No, not order or force him to. I would make it... possible. I would make there a small tiny chance, I would make him have the ability to love me like this, like the way I love him and so desperately need him to love me. He has to want to love me; no he has to choose to love me. That's what love is after all, a choice, not a feeling. Sure, the feeling is there too, but you have to accept it and choose to love someone even when they're not being the most loveable person. I'm not saying that you can choose who you fall in love with; otherwise, why would I be in my current situation?!? What I am saying is that it's more than just a fleeting desire, there has to be dedication too. You have to choose to love in spite of the other person's flaws. In spite of the hurt and pain. In the end, I know for myself at least that I must choose love.

Will Touya? Does he even know he's being asked to make a choice? Or rather, that he was asked to three days ago out in the sweet December cold. Many people would call it the bitter cold, but so many amazing and beautiful things happened there that I could never say a negative thing about it. I wonder what he really feels deep down, where I know he's been thinking about it hard. Could he possibly accept me, and my feelings for him? I'm sure he won't get upset over it, or leave me forever, but... could he return them? I doubt it, as far as I can tell he's straight as your average ruler, but you never know... I know there are many people who'd never guess that I was attracted to males. Sure, girls are pretty, I really think so, but I just don't feel the same connection as I do with guys. And no girl could ever make me feel the way I do whenever I'm with Touya...

I want to call him up right now, just pick up the phone and ask him if he feels the same way. But I know I have to give him some more time to think about it all. And I know it's a lot to think about. I mean, I had to think about it for over six years, and I still sometimes do. When I'm not thinking about Touya. Oh, Touya, Touya, Touya... ring ...Touya, Touya... Ring Tooouyaaa... RIIIIING!

"Touya!" I jump up to get the phone. Sure enough, as soon as I pick up the reciever, I hear my love's voice.

"Yuki?" _Aaaaaah, that voice..._

"This is he." _Why is he calling?_

"Hey." _They say men never call unless they like you._

"Hello." _Yes!_

"What's up?" _No._

"Not much."_ Why call now, at almost eleven o'clock at night?_

"Um... Yeah. I just wanted to know if we could, I dunno, hang out tomorrow after school. To talk." _Talk, huh? That's what they call it now._

"Oh, sure. I have nothing going on." _What is this?!?! He's figured it all out already?_

"'Kay. Good. Swirly's Ice Cream Parlor? It's on me." _Apparently._

"I love ice cream!" _The quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach._

"I know." _He's seducing me with food._

"I can't wait!" _Yeah, I have to know what you think. It's killing me. Even if you can never like me the same way... at least I'll know._

"Cool." _So verbose, isn't he?_

"Well, I'll see you tommorrow, then." _Gulp._

"See ya." _Click._

Oh, the joys of modern technology. My koi just asked me on our second date in two weeks! At least, I can delude myself...


	6. Ice Cream

The final school bell just rang, much like my telephone did less than twenty-four hours ago. And again, after this bell I will find myself talking to Touya.

"You ready to go?" He grabs me from behind, his right arm wrapping around my torso and latching onto my left.

I laugh. "Yeah, just let me get my things together..." I open my desk and take out my Advanced Kanji workbook, my History book, and my Trigonometry book and notebook. "Okay. Let's go!" He smiles at me, before turning and leaving the classroom. I follow.

Once we're out on the road, he starts up a conversation about the weird sub we had for Phys. Ed. "I mean, have you ever seen hair that long? And she wears sunglasses even indoors."

I heartily agree. "I know, she sure was strange!" I give him an ingratiating smile. "I like our usual teacher though, don't' you? He's very understanding about my asthma."

He ruffles my hair. I squirm away and giggle, but he catches me and rubs my head for so long it makes my hair stick out like crazy. I try to straighten it, using the window of a barbershop as a makeshift mirror. "Come on," he says as he drags me the next few windows down to the ice cream shop.

We sit down on the stools by the window, far away from everyone else. Touya chose the spot. I sit, and he plops down next to me. Then leaning his elbows on the window ledge conspiratorially, he looks over at me and began.  
  
"Well, I wanted to talk to you."

"Mm-hmm," I mumble through a mouthful of sundae.

"It's about... It's about what happened at the dance last week."

I look up. Not surprised of course, I knew it all along. Swallowing, I reply, "Yeah? What about it?"

"That, well, that kiss..."

Ha-hah. I knew it. I blush just like he expected me to. He must have taken that as a reply, because he continues without my input.

"I just wondered, what exactly was behind it. For you," he adds, "What... what did that kiss mean to you?"

I sit stymied. I knew we'd have to discuss it, but I never thought he would ask something like that. I start to blush even more, but eventually get up my courage. I'm not going to lie to him.

"It... it was wonderful. I loved it and I'll never take it back."

"Well then," he says, strangely enough, grinning, "would you be willing to do it again?"

I almost choke on my spoon. "Wh-what???"

He smiles, and leans in closer. "I said, would you be willing to do it again? I liked it so well the first time..."

I simply cannot believe my ears. Not even in my fantasies of him had he ever been so bold. I don't know what to say. "I don't know what to say." I look down at my half-empty bowl. "You were so cold to me for the rest of the night."

He sighs. "I guess... I just didn't know what to make of it. I was trying to act cool, convince myself that it didn't mean anything, but, you know, it... doesn't work like that. Not," he whispers into my ear, "when you love someone anywhere near as much as I love you."

Then, in the corner of the ice cream parlor, right next to the window with 'Sundaes Buy One Get One Free" painted backwards on the inside of the glass, he leans in and kisses me again, and I kiss him back, and his breath tastes of vanilla and chocolate and cherries, and I know that there is no place on earth I'd rather be, nothing on earth I'd rather be doing, than where and what I am at this moment and I hope I will be for all of eternity. I eventually pull away and smile at him, then pick up my spoon again to scoop up some more of my ice cream, but he beats me to it and shoves his spoon in my mouth. I laugh and the ice cream flicks all over Touya and the counter. So, I pick up a napkin and wipe his face clean, and we both laugh, and all the world is so new and bright, I can hardly breathe. I'm laughing so hard I'm crying, and he tries to kiss away my tears but I'm so happy that they just keep on coming. I cry into him as he holds m tight. "I love you, To-ya," I whisper in his ear, "I love you so much."

In the middle of the next kiss, we hear a high-pitched gasp. Breaking quickly apart, we look up. "Oh God," comes Touya's voice. I see only two little pink rollerblades skate out the door, but that's more than enough to tell me what had happened. Sakura saw us.


	7. Request

A/N: I am very high on fluffy shoujo manga!!! This chapter's kinda short, but I promise the next one's coming soon. And in the next chappie, we get to pick Touya's brain a bit. -wicked, wicked laughter- But for now, please be satisfied with this lovely little piece, and review, my little Cardcaptors, review!

CHAPTER 7

"Shit." Touya slapped his hand to his forehead. "Shit shit shit." 'Shit' seemed to be a pretty apt term to describe the mess we were now in. Especially if Sakura told anyone. Not that she would tell, but in the case that she did, many assumptions would be made about the status of a relationship which in reality had just begun. Touya would have to live with his family knowing the two were an item, and even if she never told her father, Sakura would know about us. Not the best position for a big brother to be in. I have no idea of what it really means to be such a role model to someone.

I clutched his arm. "To-ya, what are we going to do?"

He looked at me with one of those Touya expressions that are such a mixture of feelings only he knows what they mean. "I feel sorry for the little kid. Even if she can be a monster," he added in a failure at levity.

"You don't have to kid around. I mean, you live with Sakura. It's gonna be really hard just knowing that she knows. I'm sure she looks up to you a lot."

"No, that's not all…" He scratched at his forehead, effectively hiding his face. He sighed heavily. "Look, it's not really my place to say this, but Sakura… she likes you. Thinks she's in love with you."

"Ah." There was nothing I could think of to say to this. "That makes it even harder. Now I have absolutely no clue how to handle this with her!" Touya shook his head.

"Nah, just listen. I'm pretty sure that deep down, it's really just familial. So if we can just show her that, it'll make her more comfortable with the idea of us being together. Of you… being a member of our family." He looked down and flushed with embarrassment. It took me a few seconds for the words to sink in. I gasped with realization.

I stuttered, "Th-that… can't be a…" I was the most confused I'd ever been in the whole Touya incident, which is to say completely and utterly befuddled. Was that supposed to be a proposal? My head literally hurt with all the confusion; so as I massaged my aching temples, I told him frankly, "To-ya, I'm just not secure in this enough yet to make decisions like that… I'm not secure in any of it!!!" I wanted to shout at him, shout and scream. I was about ready to do just that when I finally realized that what I really wanted to scream at was our problem, his problem, what the hell was he doing to me, why do I all of a sudden hate him when seconds before I had so desperately loved him? I managed to calm down enough to hiss, "Touya, what the hell are you saying?" I couldn't explain why I felt so angry all of a sudden. I mean, one would expect a person in my position to be frustrated-angry, but I was angry at what he was doing, really upset. Oddly enough, it felt like he was using me. Then, after realizing that, I felt sad, like I used to feel when I thought he would never be mine. I had no idea what my emotions were trying to do to me, what kind of crap they were trying to pull, but I managed to tell Touya, "Look, there's no way we can talk to Sakura about this while everything's so unclear between us."

He looked perplexed. "What do you mean 'unclear'? I said what I wanted to do. Didn't I? What are you so goddamn upset about?"

"To-ya, please don't be angry with me right now. I just had the best and most confusing times in my life in the same five minutes..." I hung my head. "Please, can we talk first? Maybe you feel like you understand it all, but I've been left hanging here all this time. I _need_ to work this out." My eyes entreated him to listen.

He nodded. "Okay, we'll talk." He got up from his seat, moved to throw our trash away, then headed towards the door. I followed in his wake.

"To-ya, where are we going?" I asked. He was doing a pretty swift power-walk, so it was hard to keep up with him by just walking normally. He didn't answer me verbally, but from years of observing his body language I could tell he meant for me to follow.

We weaved in and out of various streets before winding up sitting on a bench beside the lake next to the Tsukimine Shrine. I sat next to Touya, and he placed one arm around my shoulders while cupping my face with the other, the way he did when he had something important to tell me.

"Now, Yuki," he said simply, "what's bothering you?" As usual, I don't even know where to begin…


	8. Reciporication

A/N: Finally up! The chapter we have all been waiting for!!! Or maybe you haven't... Oh well, it's up here anyway. I do hope my lovely fans like it. I poured quite a bit into this one. Half of me regrets how this is turning into a bit of a psychfic, but the rest of me is glad. But then, you know how these things can begin to write themselves... I hope everyone can identify with some of the feelings in this story. I want it to be realistic rather than total fluff. Love 'n' hugs! And please review!!!

CHAPTER 8

"Well,, To-ya," I began nervously, not really sure how to put my feelings into words. "My main problem is that I still don't know where you're coming from. It just feels like you decided to start this so fast." _And you could just as quickly end it all, too_…

"Oh," Touya grunted in reply. "Well, it really wasn't all that fast a decision." I looked at him questioningly. He sighed before answering, "it's a long, long story…"

I touched my own hand to the one he'd left gently holding my cheek. I nuzzled into his palm, breathing, "I'll give you all the time you need." Then, more seriously, I added, "To-ya, hon, I really need to know what has been going on. The more I think about all the things you said before, the less sense they make. I still don't understand why you did what you did, and I feel like I need to before I'm ready to make any… big decisions about this. So that I can figure out what's developed between us." I'd been babbling, but I wanted to make sure he understood. He did.

"Okay," he began hesitantly. "Well, actually I liked you from the very beginning…"

"What?!" I interjected. "Then why-- why did you…"

"Just listen. Please. I'm trying to explain this so that it makes sense. Dunno if that's actually possible, but I just want you to be able to… to figure everything out. I want you to be able to love me, and feel comfortable with it, with us, I guess. Does that make sense?"

I nodded. "Okay, I won't interrupt any more. Go on."

"Well, like I said, I'd loved you for… I don't know how long… but it felt like forever. Probably since I met you. It took a while for me to realize that, and even longer to accept it." I nodded. It was pretty freaking hard to accept that your'e not only gay, but in love with your best friend. "Anyway, I finally figured out that I was attracted to you. But the more I thought about it, the more I-- I didn't want to be gay. I hated most everything about it. The constant shame, fear, hiding… I never wanted to have to come out. So I decided, well, why should I have to? Why should I have to be something I don't want to be? So I denied it for as long as possible, then when denial stopped working I just used raw willpower to stop myself from acting on my feelings, from just going for you. I had convinced myself to just give it up, because if I did it would only destroy our friendship and upset my family and the whole entire universe. That was my logic back then, anyway." He chuckled. I did too, a little bit. I knew what it was like when you put something into words and it sounds so totally ridiculous even though you were convinced it was rock-solid logic at the time. "I was most worried, though," he continued, "that it would upset you. I didn't want you to be hurt because I couldn't control my stupid attraction. So I was never going to tell you, never going to say anything or act on it at all… until you made me that night at the dance." I began to open my mouth, whether in protest or to apologize I wasn't sure which, but then I remembered his request for my silence until I was finished and shut it again.

"I figured, what the hell, just one kiss couldn't hurt. But then I did it, I actually kissed you… God, I never wanted it to stop. When I finally realized I was this close to losing control, I pulled away. But it was still too late, too close for comfort. All those feelings I'd spent so long suppressing had come back. So I pushed you away, and ignored you the rest of the night. I tried to just block you from my mind, but no matter what I did, I couldn't make myself forget. What I had been denying myself so long was finally attainable. I knew you felt the same as I did, and it was so much harder to keep myself from telling you how I felt. Eventually, I realized that my old argument just didn't hold water anymore. I couldn't hurt you by loving you back; it would only make you happier. So I asked you to come with me for ice cream so I could let you know what I'd decided, and… that's pretty much it. I didn't even think about how it would all seem to you, I'm sorry."

I kissed him hard on the lips to prevent further pathetic apologies. Hey, I had to shut the guy up somehow! I'd never even given a fleeting thought to the idea that he'd been struggling as much as I had. After pulling back away, I whispered into his ear, "No, To-ya, _I'm_ sorry."

"What do you have to be sorry about? I'm the moron who kept us apart for so long…"

"No, I'm the one who got mad at you. I thought you were trying to use me, but you were really just trying to protect me… and I didn't realize it…" There were tears clinging to my lower lashes as I mumbled. He leaned in and gently placed a kiss on my trembling lips, saying in a soft, mock-accusatory tone, "Now you shut up," as he removed my glasses and wiped my tears away wit a finger. I fell into his chest and clung to him as we kissed again and again, until the sun set across the lake.


	9. Admission

A/N: Well, what can I say? Chapter nine is finally here, and we're finally gonna talk to Sakura. Gosh I've been busy; I'm taking AP English this year, which is literally the hardest course in out school. I just wrote a big paper on Crime and Punishment, which I really enjoyed (the novel, not the paper). Raskolnikov is such a fascinating character, ne? Well, so is my Yukito, I hope. Enjoy & review, pretty please!

**The Dance **by chibi-hikaru

Chapter 9: The Admission

Today is Tuesday, and I'm walking home after school with Touya. We've decided to try talking to Sakura today; after all, she got quite a nasty shock when she walked in on her crush kissing her brother! I'm still not sure I'm ready, though. "To-ya, do you really think she'll take it well? I don't want to hurt her again..."

"I'm sure she'll be fine, don't worry-" he looks around quickly, before planting a soft kiss into my hair and finishing, "-sweety." He flushes and looks away, apparently very interested in a squirrel clambering up a tree after its mate. I allow myself a grin; he can be so cute when he's embarrassed.

I'm still bothered. "But what if she takes it badly? What if she's angry, or depressed for weeks?"

He looks me right in the eye, a smile showing at the corners of his mouth. "Think about it. Does what you just said sound like Sakura at all?" I have to concede that it didn't. "Listen, Yuki, she'll be just fine."

I sure hope she will. We've already arrived at Touya's house. "Come on," he says, exasperated, "it won't be that bad." Yeah, that's what you think. You're not the one she's apparently in love with. He opens the door and holds it for me until I've stepped in and taken off my shoes. We walk into the kitchen just like on any normal day I come over to visit, ready to grab a snack. There is one difference though; on any normal day, Sakura's eyes would not have gone wide as soon as she spotted us, and she certainly wouldn't spin around and start to run upstairs, leaving the plate of cookies she'd made to sit there on the counter. Me being a hungry pragmatist and glad for the brief respite, I go straight for the cookies and already have three in hand and one in mouth by the time Touya yells after her, "Sakura! Come down here, we want to talk to you." I hear a door slam upstairs as I begin to munch another cookie, and Touya turns to me. "I'm gonna go and get her. Try to talk some sense into her, get her to just listen to us. Meet me up in my bedroom with the cookies."

"Mmmphmm." I nod, gulp down the cookie in my mouth and head for the refrigerator to get some milk. Touya heads up the stairs to talk to Sakura. I hope he'll start to explain to her what had happened, so I wouldn't have to be so nervous about breaking it to her face. Once I gather up the plate, milk, and three glasses, I too go upstairs into Touya's room. He and Sakura aren't there yet, so I sit on his bed and look around. For the first time, I notice just how many pictures there are of me in his room: him and me; Sakura and me; Sakura, him, Fujitaka, and me. But even more surprising are the large amount of pictures of me, only me. I don't know how I'd never before noticed. The one that most catches my attention is my most recent school picture on his bedside table in a simple silver frame with a thin gold trim. I never knew I merited a bedside-table position. Curiously, I pick it up. I'm smiling pleasantly in the frame, with the light from the lamp above glinting off its shiny surface…

Soon I hear the door open, and Touya walks in, holding a reluctant Sakura's hand. I quickly place the frame back down on the table where I'd found it, and turn to face the door. Touya picks Sakura up under her arms and lifts her lightly onto him bed beside me, then sits down on her other side. She looks up at him, then at me. "Touya… Yukito…" then her head lowers and I can see her shaking, trying hard not to cry. "I-- I saw you… kissing…"

Touya puts an arm around her and smiles down, gently running a hand through her soft hair. "Yeah, you did," he tells her candidly.

"But--" she gulps, "but why?"

Touya squeezes my hand behind her back, as though to let me know it was going to be all right. I give him a look over the top of Sakura's head; I was going to try to handle some of this. "Well, um, Sakura," I begin. She looks up at me, and I can see pain in her eyes, the pure pain of unrequited love. I recognize it because of how often during those days I secretly loved Touya I would see that very look in my own eyes. "To-ya knows-- or so he's told me-- he thinks you love me." A long pause. I try to sound gentle. "Do you?" Her lips stretch tightly, and I know she doesn't trust her voice to work, because she simply nods. I continue, with Touya giving me a 'what-on-earth-are-you-doing' look over her head. "Sakura," I tilt her head so she's looking at me, "How does that make you feel?"

She blushes and her eyes look away. "It-- it feels like everything good all at once whenever I see you. And even if you're not right there, thinking of you makes me feel really happy." She stopped, unsure whether to go on or not, but I smiled at her so she continued. "You make me feel all bright, and happy, and kinda floaty inside." He smiles up at me, but the corners of her small mouth are quivering slightly, and her eyes are a little wet.

I lean over and whisper in her ear, but loudly enough so Touya can hear, "Well, that's how I feel about Touya." I can see his eyes smiling. She looks happier, but confused. She brushes a sleeve across her eyes to dry them.

"Is that like when Syaoran loved Yukito?"

Touya snorts, and I can't tell whether he's laughing or angry. At first I'm not sure what she's talking about, but then I realize she means the fact that we're both boys. "Yeah," I laugh, "it's kind of like that."

"Oh," she says, starting to accept. But she still can't seem to say what she wants so say. Instead of asking me another question, she turns to her brother. "Oniichan, do you love Yukito?"

He blushes, before finally muttering, "…Yeah."

She smiles wider, but it still looks just as sad. "I guess you guys love each other a lot." We both nod. "…I'm glad." Another long pause. "Yukito?"

"What, Sakura?"

She looks down at her feet, which are wiggling agitatedly. Then I hear her mutter quickly, "C-cooyouhomitay?"

"What?"

She looks up, wiping her eyes again. "Yukito, could you… just hold me a little? Hold me tight, just one more time?"

With that look on her face, how on earth could I not? I lean over and wrap both my arms around her, squeezing her as close to me as I could. Brushing aside her hair, I kiss her gently on the cheek, and she snuggles deep into me before finally letting go. "Thanks," she forces, "You guys should be really happy," before running out of the room. Touya and I sit and let her go.

"Well, it didn't go that badly, now did it?" he asked conversationally. I shook my head sadly, looking over at the cookies and milk still sitting on the bedspread. She hadn't touched a single one.


	10. Conclusion

A/N: Long time since I updated last? I guess. Gosh I've been busy though. Feel sick today... even Miracle Drug ibuprofen isn't helping. :( Ah well. This is probably the last installment until January, so happy Christmas a month early. . luv chibi-hikaru

**The Dance** Ch. 10

I feel a strong gust of wind, and snuggle more deeply into my hunter-green jacket. The crisp air of late winter surrounds me, and as I exhale I can see little clouds of warm vapor leaving my lips. The coldness from the bleachers is creeping through the blanket I'd brought to sit on, and I wiggle around in my seat. Since it hadn't snowed for a week or so, the soccer field was dry enough for a scrimmage game between our school and Y. Academy from a little farther south. Touya was out on the field, stretching his legs and back to warm up. Across the field, the Y. Academy kids are kicking the ball back and forth, jogging, or stretching as well. This was going to be a good game.

I watch as the referee blows the whistle and the two teams line up along the centerline of the field. Touya is in the center, opposite a shorter, blonde-haired player from Y. The ball is placed in between them, and at the signal Touya kicks it back, beginning the game. I can see one of our players dribbling the ball down the field towards their goal, and Touya is running that way too. Gosh, my boyfriend is amazing. The strong muscles in his legs pump, propelling him downfield; his dark hair is blown about from the wind and the speed at which he runs; he gracefully changes direction, panting little white clouds into the chill air. His cheeks are flushed form exertion, but he keeps going on. He's so beautiful when he's playing, I could sit and watch him all day…

Oh, no, the ball's been stolen! Quickly he turns, running harder to catch up with the other team's player, until finally he regains possession. "Yesss! Nice play! Go Touya!" I jump up and scream as he passes the ball off to another player for the goal. We're ahead, one to nothing.

Hearing my stomach grumble, I get up and climb down the somewhat crowded bleachers of cheering fans to get some food. As I make my way over to the concessions booth, I feel a small body bump into my legs. "Oh, please excuse me. I'm sorry," I say, before I realize to whom I'm speaking: it's Sakura, here to watch her brother too.

"Oh!" Her face gets redder, and she looks down, pulling her fluffy hood more tightly around her face. 'I was just going to get something to eat…"

"Well, me too!" I tell her with a smile. "Here, come in line with me. I'll treat you." She smiles the biggest smile I've seen on her in days. I buy us hot chocolate, popcorn, and some hot dogs before leading her back to where I was sitting. She seems glad to be able to sit next to me, and we enjoy our food in silence. I glance down at her between sips of hot cocoa, and I see her staring wistfully out at her brother on the playing field. "Don't you love to watch To-ya play?" I ask her.

She's startled at first, but then regains her composure. "Yeah, Oniichan's so good at sports."

I nod. "I like to watch him too." She smiles at me before turning back to watch the game.

"You know," she speaks, still staring out at the field, "I still love you. But it's different than it used to be." I listen curiously; I've been worried about how she's been feeling since she found out. She continues, "I kinda realized that I feel the way I used to feel for you… for someone else now." Her cheeks blush a deeper shade and her breath rises heavier from her chest. I wrap my arm around her shoulders.

"Do you mind if I ask who?"

She nuzzles into my side, shaking her head. "No, not at all. It's--" she gets up, standing upon the bleachers to whisper into my ear, "Syaoran." With a little-girl giggle she snuggles in beside me once again. "He told me he loved me a week or so before you talked to me about Touya. I've been thinking about it ever since, and I realized that this is how I really feel." She looks up at me, grinning. "At first I was sad that you liked Touya instead of me. But now I'm so glad you can be a part of our family. 'Cause I think I'm starting to love you like that." She hugs me with both arms, and I fondle her hair.

"I'm glad. I love you like family too, Sakura."

The game is finally over, with Y academy winning 4-3; Touya had scored two of our three goals, though. I run down to the field to greet him, Sakura holding tightly to my hand and jogging behind me. He sees us and smiles hugely; I can sense his relief that everything is okay between us and Sakura. She releases my hand and looks on at us expectantly. He grins at me and I smile shyly back at him, before giving him a big hug. As I feel his warm lips softly and subtly brush against my cheek, I know deep in my heart that no matter what happens, the two of us will always be all right.


End file.
